On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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