On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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