and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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