it glows. i had to have it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
