Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
