a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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