a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
