Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
