Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
