In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
