My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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