I accidentally had phone sex last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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