Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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