if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
