Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just invented taco cereal.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize