Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
