remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
