Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
