Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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