dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
