watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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