seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His hands were made for my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
