i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
