all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
