We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
