Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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