Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize