Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
