Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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