I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
