I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
