so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
