Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
