No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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