It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
