I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
