like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
