i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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