I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
