I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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