Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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