I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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