I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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