My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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