I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
