Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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