also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
