That's when you crack a 10am beer
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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