i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
