College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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