she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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