I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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