please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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