Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
