it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
