that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
