i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want her autograph on my taint
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
