respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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