I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
