So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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