No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
