At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
