By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
