dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
