Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize